A cry for help

So those of you you who are unaware I recently survived what should have been a fatal motorcycle wreck. I was the victim of a hit and run so all expenses have been out of pocket. My medical bills alone have reached over 21,000.00 plus motorcycle repairs, limited mobility and missed work. So against everything I believe in I realize I cannot do this alone. 


So I've set up a GoFundMe page and every donor will eventually receive an original work of art.


Thank you in advance for all who choose to donate or even offer words of support in this the least magical time of my life. 


The Depression Project

So I've had an idea for a new body of work, I feel that phrase does not give it justice, but I'm going to need a lot of help from brave volunteers. I've been pretty open about my struggles with severe depression and from the responses I've gotten, I am far from the only one who faces these battles. What I am asking is that you share those stories, confessions, fears, battles, mistakes, anything that has to do with either your own struggle or the difficulties of loving someone who suffers with mental health issues. Admissions can be completely anonymous or you can choose to put another face to the conversation it is entirely up to you. I plan to turn everything I receive into a visual narrative, connecting all the fractured stories into an exhibition and then hopefully a book which will donate a significant percentage of sales to charities and research. If you choose to participate please type, doodle, photograph or write your submission and mail it to:

The Depression Project: 2710 Detroit ave Suite 4 Cleveland, OH 44113.

You can also email your submission to thedepressionproject2017@gmail.com as well, but I would prefer hand written or typed submissions.

If you wish to maintain anonymity simply omit any names or return addresses you may also choose a pseudonym . I ask that all submissions be sincere and as honest as possible, nothing is off limits and there is no judgement. I appreciate what I am asking for will not be easy so if you do choose to participate thank you sincerely.

The Depression Project 2017

The Valley on The Other Side of Mania

I would give just about anything to be Neurotypical, for lack of a better descriptor, for just a day. No more obsessive thoughts, constant humming, distracting patterns, rambling, stuttering, frustration. Reasonable reactions to stimuli. Being comfortable with silence, not being afraid of the space between my ears. If only for a moment. I would give so much to end this constant struggle with depression there is no romance in this. It is ugly and suffocating and more often than not I let it win. I'm just so fucking tired. I want so badly to have someone lie to me and hold me and tell me things will get better. I've learned no stoic truth there is no pithy one-liner this is long and lonely and so fucking painful Aaron Sorkin himself could not walk and talk his way out of this. I miss the sun.To all of you in this fight I love you unconditionally and I'm so very sorry that you struggle as well. I know how isolating it is. trying to describe depression to someone who doesn't suffer from it, like trying to describe orange to a blind person. There is no rational way to defend why i've stopped moving somewhere between in and out of bed, half hanging slumped over where the safest place seems to be the underside of my bed, I can not philosophically enumerate why I've been standing still for 20 minutes in the kitchen with no will to move anywhere. None of this makes sense and that is why it is so devastating to a rational mind. I also know how infuriating the well meaning platitudes can be, the armchair psychology, the "maybe if you just did x", as if I haven't analyzed ad nauseam every possible course of action. Having said this I know I am not easy to be around at my worst, depression makes you the nothing and it will drag those down around you. I can reach critical mass of misery compressed to a singularity. That said no one would ever tell someone in a cast or wheelchair to just smile and get over it, nor would they expect a person with cancer to just adjust their perspective and be perfectly fine. This is a silent disease eating away at the foundations of everything. I love all of you who are less, just as, or more so dysfunctional as I. And to the best that I am able I will help hold your foundations if you aid mine. And to all those people who love someone who is depressed it cannot be stated enough how amazingly brave, selfless, and strong you are. It is no easy task propping up a heavy cloud be careful not to lose yourself in the maelstrom. And please if hear anything in this please let it be patience. Be patient with yourself and others, self love is no easy task.

On Depression

On Depression

Depression is an insidious thing. It’s manipulative and cunning. It saps you of everything you love, smothering the joy out of you. Its slow and patient. It’s not always huge fits of uncontrollable crying although there are plenty of those. Sometimes depression does not equal sadness, sometimes it’s just the death of motivation. And there’s so much anger because this is illogical and irrational but that doesn’t matter I can’t stop it and that just feeds it. Sometimes depression is a profound sense of apathy where literally nothing matters it’s a complete disconnect, absolute in its finality.